It’s 2 a.m. and there isn’t anywhere else to go. Your contacts are dried up, your eyeliner is smudged, and you can’t see all that straight. It’s time to crawl home where no one can see the mess you’ve become, throw off your pants, and pour yourself a big glass of water. And it’s going fine... until you realize all you’ve got in the fridge are condiments and shredded cheese. But wait—there are Totino’s in the freezer! Of course there are! You’re always well-stocked with these little rolls because they’re cheap and they keep forever. If you had friends over you might bother to turn on the oven, but who are you trying to impress? You microwave for immediate gratification. Molten cheese and sauce dribble out from the seams of these golden brown packets, but you don’t care. You are a shrewd and steady nibbler, and so you do not burn yourself as you work through an entire gallon bag. Nothing is quite so convenient and rewarding for your wasted alter ego as Totino’s, which is probably how the pizza pods grew out of a mom-and-pop restaurant in northeast Minneapolis to take over the world.