Golf Digest bizarrely scolds Minnesota's love for Prince via ... a blog about baseball?

Really makes you think

Really makes you think Warner Bros.; ThinkStock/Getty

Back when things made sense, Prince was alive, Golf Digest wrote about golf, and Jared Kushner had no White House security clearance whatsoever. Ya know, 2015. 

But nothing makes sense in our bizarro present, which might explain Golf Digest's WTF blog from Tuesday. In a post titled "Minnesota refuses to be defined by anything other than Prince, as Twins begin to sell his merch," assistant editor Joel Beall begins with a defensible premise: Maybe, two years removed from Prince's death, Minnesotans should dial down the relentless remembrances.

Ignoring the fact we're reading a national golf publication, OK, sure, fine. Beall's strokes are ridiculously broad (the Twins' merch decision defines the entire state?), but that's how internet headlines work. Here's the source of his beef, which, again, is being expressed via a golf magazine: 

When Beall gets blogging, things get especially weird.

"Because while the state is often referred to as the 'Land of 10,000 Lakes,' Minnesotans define themselves by one calling card, and one calling card only: the Home of Prince."

One calling card only! Somebody break this news to the Dayton bros. What else ya got? 

"Which, hey, Prince was a cool dude. 'Purple Rain' was a thing like 30 years ago, and he was the kinetic force behind an iconic 'Chappelle's Show' sketch. Plus, these purple caps do look stylish..."

We're getting a glimpse into the depth and breadth of Beall's Prince knowledge here. As City Pages music editor Keith Harris tirelessly mapped out, Prince—noted cool dude!—produced classic albums before and after 1984's Purple Rain. Something tells me Beall has spent way more time with Chappelle's Show DVDs than Prince LPs. Moving right along ...

"But (double-checking to make sure I'm not in Minneapolis)...c'mon, it's not like he was Bruce Springsteen. And what, no love for Bob Dylan, another product of the Gopher State?"

Oooooooooh boy. Apologies if you're partially blinded by the whiteness of those sentences. By almost any rock-critic-y measure, Springsteen, Prince, and Dylan occupy the same top echelon of music history. Also, please tell the massive, looming Dylan heads that watch over downtown's busiest stretch that we don't show Bob any love. Here's the epic finish: 

"Of course, we're talking about a group that elected Jesse Ventura. Compared to that, I guess we'd pump up Prince as much as possible, too."

Cursory knowledge of Minnesota exhausted, Beall waves the white pin flag of surrender, thus concluding the time Golf Digest hot-taked Prince fandom and Minnesota identity in a blog about ballpark giveaways.