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26 dumbest City Pages stories of 2017

From time to time, we're down to clown.

From time to time, we're down to clown. File

Most of the time, City Pages reporters keep their thumbs on the pulse of the Twin Cities, bringing you essential news and arts coverage with precision, swiftness, and verve. Other times, we're on our dumb shit 😛🙃😋. Please enjoy these 26 examples of the latter scenario.  

Drinking my way to the meaning of Dawes' 'When the Tequila Runs Out' (click here to read)

Dong-shaped snowstorm will give Minnesota the shaft [PHOTO] (click here to read)

Don't you dare take my LaCroix away from me, science (click here to read)

Watch this gnarly 1,000-ft. freighter whip a sick 360 in Duluth [VIDEO] (click here to read)

Husband of Ely, MN’s Jessica Biel to perform at Super Bowl (click here to read)

Minneapolis churches reviewed and ranked on Yelp, re-ranked by me (click here to read)

This owl's chilling on a cop car in Duluth: What do you think he's thinking? (click here to read)

We tried interviewing Pitbull ahead of his St. Paul concert. It did not go well. (click here to read)

For one brief moment, the Walker's 'Hahn/Cock' sculpture had a schlong (click here to read)

Poll: It getting a bit chilly out there? (click here to read)

Netflix’s new Prince biopic is shockingly inaccurate (click here to read)

'Extremely rare photo' of Minnesota 'pigman' for sale on Craigslist (click here to read)

Baby penguin born at MN Zoo – Is it cute enough for news coverage? (click here to read)

It’s getting weird at Macy’s downtown [PHOTOS] (click here to read)

Hey Sun Country, why don't you call your plane Big Dick Lake? (And 94 other options) (click here to read)

This plastic bag's been stuck in a tree all year. What is it trying to tell us? (click here to read)

'They didn't have McChickens': Real online reviews of Minnesota prisons (click here to read)

This Roseville gas station is haunted by a ghost, probably [VIDEO] (click here to read)

U.S. Senate hopeful catches fish in Minnesota (click here to read)

My friends' controversial Twin Cities takes, ranked (click here to read)

Grandma’s dark side: Who’s who of who’s running from their own misery in Duluth (click here to read)

That awful smell in the air lately, explained (click here to read)

Lakers' objectively dope throwback Minneapolis jerseys: Just how dope are they? [POLL] (click here to read)

Help us understand this classified ad we ran (click here to read)

7 tips for the perfect photo with 50 Cent at Chicago-Lake Liquors this Sat. (click here to read)

Minnesota Zoo needs help naming world's cutest tiger cub -- what should it be? [POLL] (click here to read)