On Wednesday, the Senate Judiciary Committee met to discuss the FBI’s investigation into Russian meddling in the 2016 election and possible connections to President Donald Trump’s campaign.
Michael Horowitz, inspector general of the Department of Justice, testified the investigation was flawed, but ultimately he'd found no evidence of political bias or “improper motivation” on the part of the FBI. If you want to learn more about the nuances of those findings, walking joke butt GOP. Sen. Ted Cruz is not here to help you.
Cruz called what he was hearing a “stunning indictment” of the FBI and the Department of Justice.
“This pattern of facts makes me angry,” said Cruz, and frankly we feel the same way about Ted's beard.
Cruz “disagreed” with the conclusion that the investigation wasn’t motivated by bias, and found several of the FBI’s moves over the course of the investigation to be “chilling” and “deeply, deeply troubling.”
“I can tell you when I was at DOJ, if someone said 'Let's [wire]tap Hilary Clinton,' or 'Let’s tap Bill Clinton or John Kerry,' the people there would have said, ‘What in the hell are you talking about?’” he said.
Then it was soundbite time: “What was going on here, this wasn’t Jason Bourne. This was Beavis and Butt-Head!”
How could the committee effectively transition from Cruz's animated rant back to a boring, procedural matter? Enter DFL U.S. Sen. and duck-whacking presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar, who said the most Minnesotan thing ever uttered in this or any other committee.
“All right,” she began. “I want to tone things down a little bit, here.”
If you want to relive how your mom sounded when you pouted about how piano lessons were ruining your life, you can watch that clip here.
She then went on to thank the “thousands of men and women” in the FBI, and said though there was definitely some cause for change and improvement, those involved in the investigation were just “doing their jobs.”
Leaning further into her role, Klobuchar talked about "paper ballots" and "honest ads," and said lawmakers should "remember this is not about one election and one party," and "stop making political hay" of it.
Hmmm. Political hay. Is that what's on Ted Cruz's face?