As in years past, the 2019 Minnesota State Fair promises a thousand and one ways to punish your poor, helpless body to the point you become a sweaty, motionless, bloated mass that must be shoveled out to a parking lot for collection by a garbage truck.
But thanks to an online petition and the State Fair's public relations team, you won't get the chance to try the latest in potentially controversial treats.
A Change.org campaign started by Jason Holtz has more than 3,300 signatures decrying the Wingwalker Donut Flight, a novel item that would've had diners filling their own donut holes via plastic syringes.
Holtz's complaint against this would-be Fair food are two-fold:
The Wingwalker Donut Flight is one of the many new food offerings at the Minnesota State Fair this year. Each order of donut holes comes with three syringes of fillings to inject into them. The waste generated (three syringes times thousands and thousands of orders) over the 10 day fair run is absurd. In addition, the image conveyed by syringes being cool and containing treats, not to mention being littered around on the ground is not one we should be wanting to promote.
Filled donut holes sound like a fine idea. Fill them for us from a big dispenser that's not going to last centuries in the ocean or landfill.
It seems that first thought, about the potential for plastic waste accumulating, is what drove the State Fair to ask its vendor, "a small family-owned business" called "The Hangar," if there wasn't a better way of providing people with absolutely unnecessary and perhaps literally toxic levels of sugar. As a statement issued by the Fair's official Twitter account reads:
"We understand the impact food packaging has on the environment, and the Hangar, along with the fair, has decided that plastic syringes will not be used as part of the Wingwalker Donut Flight."
You can still get these doughnut holes, if that's your preferred poison: They'll be available with "three compartments used for dunking." Your options for drowning the holes will be chocolate, Bavarian cream, and "Minnesota lingonberry jam," a mouth-watering list that might compel you to hit the break room in search of the last bite of Kathy's bars that no one would eat because Minnesota.
In a process we frankly don't understand and don't care to learn more about, the still-available doughnuts are no longer on the "Official New Food List."
As punishment, the purveyors of the Hangar will have to fight all the animals in this year's very badass official State Fair art. Just kidding! They got the chance to offer a replacement, and came up with something called "Tailspin."
The Official State Fair Twitter Description of This Official Replacement Food describes it as "tangy BBQ sauce drizzled on top of french-fried onions and fresh-made coleslaw, layered over pulled pork, elote, Oxaca cheese and peppery spices -- all on a seasoned hashbrown waffle" and holy shit is there a lot going on there. Seriously. It seems that in its attempt to win back fairgoers' favor, the Hangar came up with a concept that has more layers than everything but your strained relationships.
Check back with City Pages to find out if that pile is any good, and/or if any of the other foods become "controversial." In hindsight, this IV-drug-using doughnut wasn't a perfect idea, but hey... at least it wasn't casually anti-Semitic?