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PETA says feminists can't eat eggs

You can't spell "femeggnism" without "egg"

You can't spell "femeggnism" without "egg" Getty Images/iStockphoto

You thought you were a good feminist.

You believe in equal pay for equal work; you've donated to Planned Parenthood. You've read your Sylvia Plath, your Roxane Gay. You Women's March-ed. There's a "the future is female" T-shirt hanging somewhere in your closet. 

But guess what? None of that matters! Because this week, at Cub, you did something indefensible. You picked up a little gray carton filled with 12 brown, extra-large, cage-free eggs.

A harmless act of so-called "grocery shopping"? Hardly! At least, not according to a blog PETA published earlier this week: Why Real Feminists Should Stop Eating Eggs.

Here's PETA's "logic": "The justifications that people give for being unconcerned about chickens’ suffering and denying their basic rights are strikingly similar to the justifications that have been given for disregarding women’s suffering and denying their basic rights..."

...Are they, though? 

"The hen has been turned into an egg machine," the post continues. "In previous eras, she embodied the essence of motherhood."

This is followed by a long, strange aside about the Roman historian Plutarch, a guy who admired hens for their mothering instincts to an honestly troubling degree. 

Setting aside the fact that by this logic, PETA is saying womanhood means motherhood -- not a super feminist stance, if you ask non-moms -- it's just an altogether baffling line of thought.

Is factory farming bad? Yeah, absolutely. Ethical consumption is hard! But also, like... at the risk of stating the obvious? People are not chickens. 

Incredibly, this is only a contender for "weirdest and most alienating shit PETA did this week." On Tuesday, the organization tweeted a chart encouraging people to "stop using anti-animal language." (As they call it: "speciesism.") Suggestions include saying "bring home the bagels" rather than "bring home the bacon" or subbing in "feed two birds with one scone" for "kill two birds with one stone."

Predictably, it's a tweet for which they're getting positively roasted... or maybe fried. 

Fried like so many woman-hating, anti-feminist eggs.